Sucks less!

Peritoneal dialysis sucks; I try hard to pretend that it doesn't, but it does. It sucks less than hemodialysis--I don't miss the vomiting and constant dizziness, and I really don't miss the low blood pressure--but when it comes right down to it, "sucks less" isn't exactly a resounding endorsement.

The problem is that there's a dull ache involved with the fill and drain process, which lasts for about 40 minutes four times a day. That's 160 minutes, or about the length of a bad feature film. Imagine you're sitting through Stepmom every day.

Now, imagine that you have to do this in order to stay alive.

Aside from the ache, I've found that it's hard to dance with two litres of fluid sloshing around inside me. I loved to dance. It's hard to eat very much, which is less of a problem than you might expect because everything tastes funny. It's a good thing I'm single right now, because I can't imagine letting anybody touch me at this point.

I have to live my life in six-hour chunks now. Have you ever tried to calculate how long you can sleep based on something you want to do later in the day? It drives me crazy. I really liked being able to go where I wanted, when I wanted. I've always structured my life so that I didn't have to answer to anybody, and now there's this... thing.

It could be worse, I know; it could still get worse, which is the only reason I can manage. But it sucks having such negative motivation.

I sound all bitter. I'm not, really. I'm still grateful to be alive. I guess knowing that there's an end in sight to some of these conditions is frustrating me, since I don't know exactly when that end will be. I also know that I'll be trading them in for a different set of conditions, and I hope those are an easier load to bear.

At least it's something.

before - after