Mediations of Koog, who does too much

Over the past couple of days I have mixed up four kinds of cookies and baked two of them, that's half done; I have also been cleaning the kitchen as I go so there's not a collossal mess when I'm done. I have come very close to finishing my holiday shopping. I have moved furniture around the living room and swept behind the couch. I have done three loads of laundry. (No, those loads are not folded; and yes, I do know that proper laundry technique says you should fold clothes right out of the dryer.)

I have returned every phone call I had to return. I have sat in traffic for well over an hour on Friday coming home from a doctor's appointment. I have looked at every foofy grocer in my reach for plain old powdered sugar, but there's none to be found. What's up with that? I need powdered sugar for two of my recipes. So, by the time today is over I will have gone to Safeway.

I called Donna and we made tenative plans for New Year's Eve.

I read a couple of scholarly articles about the surgery I had and the drugs I take--I even read the footnotes, and I understood enough that things are starting to make sense to me. I spent time with the cats, I listened to my dad blather for a while and managed not to slap him when he started going on about how he wasn't supposed to have to be a parent at his age. (Sorry Dad, I don't think that stopping by every couple of weeks to use my computer to check your e-mail qualifies as parenting, but I guess you're entitled to your opinion.)

What I haven't done is a pretty long list, too. I haven't wrapped any gifts, and I haven't made firm plans for 12-25. I haven't finished organizing and cleaning the first floor, and I haven't addressed and sent cards, I haven't even composed my "this is how I am" note. The cards are supposed to be mailed by 12-15. I still have four kinds of cookies to make, but at least two of those are less labor-intensive bar cookies.

I haven't done any holiday decorating beyond sticking a wreath on the door, so the house isn't very festive. Hell, I don't even know where the lights are. I don't really know that it matters to anybody but me, but it does matter to me.

I have to be at the hospital Wednesday and Thursday, and I honestly don't know when I'm going to have time to do everything I want to do in order to get the tree trimmed on Saturday.

I'm not sure why I think I have to do all this stuff, except that I've always done it. I ought to allow myself to take a break, but I think messing about with the holidays helps me hold back the darkness of winter. It's 4:20 here, and the gloom of night encroaches on the day. It helps that there's something baking and that I have a lot to do. Speaking of which, the filling for the next batch of cookies should have reached room temperature by now, and I should get back to work.

before - after