Talkin' Gender Relations Blues

I am taking a friend, who will remain anonymous for the moment, shopping for makeup. Or browsing. This is going to be fun. You see, I never had a sister.

I like my brother, mind you, he's a great guy. The best brother anybody could ever want, but he wasn't a sister. I always wanted one. My mom had either a miscarriage or an abortion when I was about six. She's never been clear about which one it was, and I never wanted to pry, because I really don't want to know if she doesn't want to tell me directly; either way there was no baby. I've always wondered in some childish place in my heart if that was my sister.

I didn't really miss out on girly things when I was little, because I always had a really close Best Friend type friend, and of course that person would be a girl. I don't really have those kinds of friends any more. My relationships with my women friends are very different than with my men friends. Oddly enough, my best friends are men. Not the people I hang around with, I mean the kinds of friends who know my secrets.

I don't really have any secrets, but I always feel like I'm more myself with the men I'm close to. I wonder why that is? At first glance, I'd say that it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with who they are as people (there are two of them, and I think they know who they are). I'm not sure that's true.

While I don't regard either of these men as a future mate, and as far as I know neither of them regards me as such, sometimes I wonder if on both sides it's a biological need to connect with somebody who has no hope of understanding you. I also wonder if, if I were to meet a man who would be willing to settle down and commit and all that, could I maintain these friendships?

I'm not sure, but my gut says no.

A lot of women say that they get along with men better than women, but this isn't a matter of getting along. When I hear other women say that, I feel like they must mean people to pal-around with, and I think they must be insane. I think women are much more fun to hang out with, because they'll do stuff like go shopping for makeup and have lunch at a place without a TV. Sometimes they'll do things like drink beer and watch basketball on TV; sure, you can do that with a guy, but not in a slip.

It's clear to me that I don't get women. I don't get men, either, but I don't think I'm supposed to. Maybe that's the real point.

before - after