As I stand here, five senses reeling

You can say "Can I think about that and get back to you?" or you can tell the person who asked the question what you think they want to hear, whether that's an accurate representation of your answer is of little consequence. The matter is dealt with for the moment, no skin off your nose.

My brother, it seems, took the latter option when I asked about the kidney. Either that, or once he had a chance to think about it, major surgery that wouldn't benefit him in any way--unless you count good deed points--didn't sound like such a good idea. When I called to ask how the tests were going, he said he wasn't going to do it: wasn't going to have the tests, wasn't going to consider giving me a kidney.

I just wish he'd said "let me think about it" when I asked.

So, it's back to square one. I'm not going to try to change his mind on this issue. It's not my place to pressure him, because he knows what this means to me. If he can't, he can't. That's how things are. It sucks for me, and the fact that a lot of things suck doesn't make this thing suck any less.

I suppose I should be proud of him for being able to say no. I don't think I could have, were I in his shoes.

So now I don't know where to start again. Many of my first cousins are type 1 diabetics, as I am, and every last one of them is at risk. Most of my aunts and uncles are over the age limit. My father has high blood pressure and my mom, unbelievably, isn't a blood type match. Of course, that's the one critical factor.

I'll be OK, because I don't have the option of collapsing; but for the moment, I'm a little bit stunned.

~~~~~

What I ought to be here writing about is U.S. Greco-Roman wrestler Rulon Gardner and his unbelievable victory in the Olympics yesterday. He beat a man who had never, not ever, lost an international match. The teevee commentators informed us that aside from being the greatest Greco-Roman wrestler in history, Alexandre Karelin also enjoys classical music and poetry.

Go figure.

before - after