Weddings by the Numbers

Number of Places to Get a Cup of Coffee Seen on the Way to the Church from the Hotel: None, not a one. We must have scanned six distinct strip malls, didn't even find a Starbucks on which to settle. However, we did determine that every strip mall in Raleigh, NC, must have a Chinese restaurant. There's got to be some kind of ordinance. Eventually we got what passes for coffee at a chain bakery.

Most Crass Personalized License Plate Seen over the Weekend: $LENDER$ on a black Mercedes in a parking lot at the Harris Teeter, where we had stopped for coffee that the store didn't actually have. NC now allows "special characters" on their plates; this is more disturbing than you might think. If I ever see a plate that says :), I'm... I don't know what. But I'm sure my reaction won't be pleasant to watch.

Parts to the Bride's Gown: Four, maybe five. It was hard to tell. The dress was Elizabethan in nature and it was very, very cool. Amber had it made by a seamstress that specialized in that sort of thing. She looked lovely.

Number of screaming babies at the ceremony: Two. The mother of one screamer scooted her whole brood out of the church part and watched from the back through a window. That reminded me of how movie theatres used to have rooms in the back where people could take their screaming children. The other screamer was seated directly behind me, and its mother didn't think to remove it, although her child started screaming after the first mom retired to the back.

Number of mortifying wedding "traditions" skipped: Undetermined. The ceremony itself was long, but remarkably dignified. I'm convinced that the Orthodox Church is exceptionally cool, as churches go. There was no bouquet throwing, no garter tossing, no throwing of rice, birdseed, potpourri, or anything else. There were no cheesy "favors" that the guests had to feel obligated to take home. There were no embarrassing toasts.

Number of Towels Received by the Newly Married Couple, According to the Bride: 30,000

Number of Stand Mixers Received by the Newly Married Couple, According to the Bride: Two. This may be the only reason some people get married--as not to buy their own stand mixer. Amber got the good one, and she got two of them. They never break, so one of them is going back. I suggested copper cookware as an extravagant substitution.

Number of Mr. Potato Head Magnetic Fun Kits: One. Amber opened it and said "Ooh! A candy treat!"

Number of Banjos on Stage at the Reception: Three, but only one was played by a man who looked like Burl Ives, who wore rainbow suspenders. The banjo players were part of a "vitual jazz band" that plays together sometimes. Some of them were local to the RDU area, others came in from Washington. They played jazz and blues from the 20s and 30s, and they were amazing. The girl singer, Esther, wore a sequined dress and a feather boa; she was surprisingly young for a woman named Esther.

Number of Songs Sung by Fedward: One. Stardust. He said the band played it too fast and that the key put it a little high for him; I said he was chewing scenery. Of course, I'm used to Willie Nelson singing that song in a very laid back manner, in the proper key. It makes a difference.

Number of Times I Got Lost During The Dancing: Um, we're not going to talk about that. It was fun, but I really am a terrible dancer when I have to deal with a rotating partner. It was one of those things where the men form a circle on the inside and the women form a circle on the outside. The band started at the wrong tempo, and I never quite recovered.

Number of Times I Raved about the Cake: Lost count. The cake was so good. It was pretty--didn't look anything like a float from a parade--and the texture of the cake itself. Swoon. Thud.

Weirdest Sign Misreading: Futon Road, which was actually Fulton. Hey, it was late. I laughed.

Number of people in the hotel lobby after the reception: roughly 20. Many of the couple's friends gathered in the lobby of the Research Triangle Park La Quinta to hang out at the post-reception hang-out time. Eventually, members of the band showed up. The bride and groom were shooed out the door and told to go home already about 2 a.m.

Funniest Town Name on the Road between Washington and Raleigh: Dinwiddie, Virginia.

Times We Noticed Dinwiddie: Twice. Once on the way to Raleigh, once on the way home. Apparently it has an airport. Go figure.

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