It's almost like...

After writing about him the other night, I went to search for Bret, my first crush, on the web. Jeez, I figured, everybody is on the web somewhere.

Apparently I'm wrong about that: most of the returns I got from searching on his name turned up a football player with the same name, but nothing that would have been my Bret. I mean the Bret I was talking about. He's not mine; he never was.

It seems that I've been reaching people the past week or so, which is interesting, because I feel different. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I almost feel like I am in love, but there's no specific object.

Really: nobody and nothing. I've thought about it quite a bit. Anyway, it's not exactly that, I know what that feels like.

That--love, I mean--feels like falling. If you've ever fallen, say out of a window or a plane, you know what I'm talking about. For the seconds while you hurtle back toward the ground, nothing can touch you. It's a sense of security that you know is absurd, but you don't care. Falling, to me, is how it feels to be at peace with yourself and the inevitable.

It's about the being fully in a moment and knowing, as you are in that moment, that it is something to be cherished.

So, if anybody's asking, that's almost how I feel lately.

before - after