Oh, to be a cat

She is the scarediest cat I ever saw. You have to see her paws to understand exactly what I mean; they're huge, and by all rights they should be very powerful and allow her to be an effective hunter of small creatures. But no, Lola has no idea that she has the ability to hurt another animal. In Lola's eyes, food comes from a bowl and treats are something that I'm eating. She looks at squirrels and birds with the same disinterest that she views dogs and other cats.

Actually, the next door neighbor has a pet squirrel. I'm not sure how she distinguishes her pet from the legions of squirrels in the 'hood, but she does. One day, her pet paid a visit to my yard. Lola lay on the ground sunning herself. The pet squirrel took one look at Lola, who vaguely resembles a very small tiger with white paws, and did the squirrel equivalent of running screaming. Amy, the neighbor, told me that my cat had frightened her pet; at first, I thought she must have been talking about Hecate, who tries to look menacing and manages pretty well with her sleek black body and her sparkly blue eyes--I could see Hecate staring down a squirrel thinking You're my next meal, sucker--but she described Lola. I told her not to worry about it.

Lola, you see, is naturally intimidating. Other animals aren't aware that most of her apparent size is her fluffy coat. Bigger means stronger, more powerful, better-enabled to injure. Other animals do not know that the only thing those big paws do is pat my face when I have a headache. (That's pretty much my favorite thing about Lola. When she knows I'm not feeling well, she perches between my neck and shoulder and pats my face with her furry paws. It feels nice.)

She missed the bit of genetic code that reads You are a killer, so you have teeth and claws. Use them wisely. I'm afraid Lola did get the part that said You hate upholstery. Must destroy.

All that said, there are many, many days when I think of a life that would let me lay in a sunny spot, eat whenever I wanted, and climb up into any lap to demand attention... I think that wouldn't be a bad life at all.

before - after