It's 5:00. Do you know where your bra is?

In honor of my favorite Google search hit, here's a whole entry on the subject of bra removal. Live it up!

Girls should already know this trick, as I believe it is conveyed with the rest of our genetic material; however, you may not know the joys of Bourjois lipstick at $11 each, so skip back to yesterday's entry.

Seriously, I do not know how or when I learned to remove my bra from underneath my shirt. However, I can also tie cherry stems into knots with my tongue, and I don't know where that came from, either. It almost goes without saying that I used to be a big hit at parties. [1]

Since I am right-handed, I start with my right arm and pull it inside whatever I'm wearing. This is accomplished by holding the cuff of my sweater or shirt with my left hand while retracting my right arm through the sleeve. After the first 4-6 inches, I allow my left hand to drop and use my fingers to gather the sleeve fabric while shrugging my right shoulder enough so the armhole drops. When my elbow reaches the armhole, I bend my arm and slide my hand under the bra's strap while pulling the rest of my arm inside the shirt.

The right strap comes off with very little effort, particularly if you're me. I just shrug my shoulder a little and there it goes. Now, one bra strap is dangling and the other is securely planted on my left shoulder.

The next step is unfastening the bra's hooks. This is probably easier with a front-fastening bra, but it's not impossible with the traditional hooks in the back style. The trick is that you use only one hand.

I move my right arm, which is still under my shirt, around my torso to the back; then raise my hand to the back closure of the bra. Find the hooks, then fold the fabric flap on the eye side away from the closed hook. Holding the flap between my thumb and forefinger, I pull the fabric away from my back. Using my thumb as a guide, I slide the eyes out from under the hooks, at which point the bra should release. These things are designed to stay closed, so that sounds easier than it is.

Now the bra is hanging by a strap from my left shoulder, and the work of the right arm is done, so it goes back through the sleeve where it belongs. Next, I pull the left arm in, just as I did with the right, except that when I get to the part where I reach the strap, I grasp it between two or three fingers and pull while retracting the arm through the left sleeve.

Voila! I have just removed my bra without first removing my shirt.

Please note that it is not really possible to look graceful while doing this trick, especially if you are intoxicated at the time. On the other hand, it is also difficult to look less than silly while doing the cherry stem thing, which retains its impressiveness.

To answer the obvious question, I did perform the bra trick while writing out the instructions. Right now my bra is sitting on my lap, where it does not belong. I should put it back on.

[1] Did I just out myself as not all that nice a girl? Did I mention that my life is a whole lot less interesting lately?