What was this about?

I'm going through fluids faster than I can consume them, which means that my kidney is working well, but it also means I'm on the edge of dehydration at all times. So, if you're looking for me, I'm the one with the giant beverage.

I'm not dehydrated, but only through serious effort on my part. I'm also in a fair amount of pain. Dr. Kelly took out a couple of my staples last week and used a dressing with what she calls a wick. I change this dressing twice a day, but the spot where the wick goes in hurts; sometimes, it hurts a lot. I am actually a little bit impressed with myself that I can change this dressing without flinching.

The process begins by removing the old dressing and pulling out the bloodied gauze plug. It doesn't hurt, but "pleasant" isn't a word I'd use for the way the thing looks. Next, I use a gauze pad soaked in saline to clean around the wound, which is the only part of the incision that's not closed up and healing. Then I take a second small gauze pad soaked in saline as the new wick; basically, I stuff the gauze in the wound with a long cotton swab that just came out of a sterile package. I wad up the rest of the damp gauze, cover it with a 4x4 gauze pad folded in half and tape the whole thing down.

Voila. The wound is dressed.

I don't think the scar is going to be so bad, after all. If Pilates works for me--read: if I stick with it for a while, which I intend to do, but you know what they say about intentions--I might actually wear a two-piece swimsuit next summer.

Folks have been talking about body image lately, and I did want to add my bit before the talk dies down. I love my body the way it is right now. I'm not under any illusions that it's in the best shape ever, but it feels pretty good most of the time. I guess the main thing that makes me optimistic is that my head is in a good place. The last time I was thin, which was when I lived in Seattle and was down below 130 pounds, I couldn't say that.

I was wearing size 6, and I was utterly miserable. I didn't feel good; I didn't even look good. It was weird, because I always thought I'd be happy if I lost the weight.

That was an important lesson to learn. I know that I look better about two dress sizes smaller than I am currently, but I feel so much better now than I did a couple of weeks ago, that if I stayed this size, I'd be fine with that.

In any case, Pilates isn't about losing weight or the way I look, it's about repairing my abdominal muscles. I'm determined to treat my body well because I know it has to last me for a long time now, whereas that wasn't really true before.

before - after