This modern world

It being true that you can't find red currant jam and green peppercorn mustard just anywhere, Sutton Place finds itself too far above your ordinary Safeway to be called a grocer. Instead its web site describes the organization as a food department store, which barely scratches the surface of its snootiness. If you were from New York, I'd tell you to think of Dean and Deluca, only not as busy and with free parking, and you'd have a pretty good idea about Sutton Place. However, most of you have never been to Dean and Deluca and have no idea what I'm talking about when I say that.

Sutton Place will have to be Williams Sonoma with a good produce section and a killer deli. That's not necessarily a compliment; I mean, there are no pots and pans at Sutton Place. There are a lot of seasonal dishes, most of which remind one of pumpkins right about now.

I wheeled my BasCart around the store as best I could: the north-south aisles were short and the east-west aisles were narrow. I ran into a bit of trouble early in my visit after a turn in front of the cheese counter.

A very difficult man had summoned the large, French cheese woman from behind the counter where she belonged. I barely managed to get my cart between her rather large rump and the next end cap as she bent over the selection of cheeses, chattering away in heavily accented English. I did not touch her, but when I said "excuse me" to the guy, he berated me for not asking him to move before I moved my cart, presumably so I wouldn't bump into him. The only complication was that I didn't touch him; my cart had at least half a foot's clearance. I wasn't completely sure what his problem was, but I didn't stick around to find out. This is the first time I have ever been chided for saying "excuse me" and I found the experience disturbing, to say the least.

I did not find everything on my list, not by a long shot. I couldn't find regular mayonnaise to save my life. I would have bought snooty mayonnaise had I been able to buy it in a jar that held more than half a cup. I wandered a little bit longer and then checked out with mango teabags, the aforementioned mustard and jam, organic carrots, organic radishes, fresh pressed apple cider, a very small bar of bittersweet chocolate from Belgium, and tea in a box from Switzerland.

I had to try the mustard immediately upon getting home, because I adore green peppercorn mustard. This stuff is the Sutton Place house brand, and it's all right, but it can't touch the French stuff I used to get. However, I am happy to have even this pale imitation. I guess it's close enough. I also sampled the tea in a box, which is too sweet unless you are in the Deep South. I do not know where in Switzerland they like their tea cold and so very sweet. I do not think I want to know. In any case, the product made my teeth hurt. It is sweeter than the tea at the Waffle House.

Ed described shopping at the Sutton Place in Alexandria as being like grocery shopping in Germany. I can't say that I've ever had that pleasure, but the comparison doesn't exactly put it at atop my Things to Do Before I Die list.

For the record, the other Sutton Place locations I've visited have been less cramped therefore more pleasant. They do stock items one cannot get just anywhere, and I suppose that it would be too much to ask the management to put signs on the door reminding entering customers to leave their road rage in the car.

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[1] While I do not doubt that Sutton Place Gourmet as a corporation has a coffee roasting facility, or at least a contract with one, I think anybody who believes those beans are roasted daily on the premises has bought into the myth of yuppie groceries.

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