Summertime Cheese

I've been watching American Idol. I mean, I'm totally hooked. Not hooked in a way that if I had an option to do something else I'd skip it so I could watch American Idol, but if I'm not doing anything else, I sit in front of the tube and stare in rapt fascination, like a cat watching a bird through a window. (Amelia is doing that right now, even if it's not a completely accurate metaphor. She's making that funny, quiet noise she makes when she sees something that triggers thoughts of "I could kill that..." in her.)

I'm not even sure what makes me watch, except for the supreme cheesiness of the whole thing. A couple of the girls have big, powerful voices and major stage presence, and I fully expect them to be on larger stages at some point, because cheesy musicals continue to exist despite my puzzlement about the whole concept. It more or less follows that neither of the talented contestants really shreiks "idol" to me, where "Idol" means somebody the kids will want to gobble up like sugary breakfast cereal. It's not that Tamyra and Kelly are Grape Nuts and Shredded Wheat, but neither of them is full on Crunchberries.

The one who screams Frooty Pebbles is RJ. He has no appreciable talent, and his face seems to have been molded by Mattel. I absolutely mean it when I say he looks like Earring Magic Ken's bathhouse pal. Natch, the boy can't sing, and I think he cries on cue. I loathe him so much that I fully expect him to win.

As for the Professor and Mary Ann of American Idol, there's the chyk with the pink hair and the dude with the giant Afro. At least they're the ones left as of right now. I really thought Pink Hair Chyk would have been eliminated last week, but she wasn't. The one who dressed like a caveman got tossed for trying to sing "You Really Got Me" all by herself. I think.

The judges for this shindig, well, if you'd been wondering whatever happened to Paula Abdul, this is where she's been hiding out. The English guy, Simon, is pretty snarky, and frankly I think he's most of the reason the enterprise has suceeded. He is openly mean to the poor kids. Do I feel sorry for them?

Uh, no.

If you haven't been watching, these recaps are exhaustive and funny as hell.

I am not yet TiVo enabled for a number of reasons, but if I were I'd probably record American Idol; however, I don't think I'd go out and get TiVo just so I can record it. There may yet be hope for me.

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