...and that's Kool-aid and Gin

(Well, I am. I go back on the endless hospital cycle. Bah.)

The greater worry is that I'll have to switch back to hemodialysis, which I don't want at all. I didn't do so well on hemo, but at this point I'm not doing all that well on peritoneal. My whole body is swollen, which means that about half my clothes don't fit.

A few months ago I could see the bones in my feet, now they're all puffy again. My legs are stiff and I'm generally uncomfortable.

I'm in a fair amount of pain, but nobody has prescribed any good pain killers. That's the problem with docs who practice medicine, as opposed to the cutters: the cutters always give you good drugs. I don't think the healer types want you to suffer, but they don't think of pain management first.

In related news, Hecate is also sick. She has acute pancreatitis, which I've also had. It wasn't any fun at all for me and I'm sure it isn't for her. However, she got narcotics. It's not fair, I tell you. Hers is a fentanyl patch, and it doesn't seem to have settled her down any. She's just as cranky on drugs as she was without the drugs. Go figure.

The vet, Dr. Mattingly, had some advice for me with regard to the kidney: she says that if I get desperate, I should move to Florida and transfer my transplant registration down there. Apparently there are more donors in Florida because of the large number of motorcycle riders.

I'm sure that's true, and I hadn't thought about it like that. Apparently she has a friend who got a liver that way, but she said her friend was in pretty sad shape. I'm still... well, I'm swollen and cranky, and I'm waiting for one of the few healthy relatives I have to get a couple of damned blood tests. This is the only factor that keeps me from having to say that I'm waiting for somebody to run a motorcycle into a wall.

I'll get my life back, and I felt like I was on the way back for a little while, but I realize that I am still idling, for the most part.

Bitterness. It can suck more or suck less, but it always sucks. It's 11:42, and it's time for my morning nap.

before - after