Americans: Now Even Lazier!

I love that its domain is giantfood.com. The stores used to be marked with red neon letters that said GIANT FOOD, and there are a few of those left. The newer logo can't really be called new since it smacks of 1973 in brown and white. Anyway, despite being local and having an interesting name, Giant is just about as lame as the rest of the places to buy groceries around these parts.

I don't exactly frequent Safeway, because my Safeway sucks hard enough that I hesitate to think of it with any sense of belonging to it. However, it does stock the Odwalla food bars that I like, and it is the closest large supermarket, so every once in a while I do end up there hoping to find something to eat.

I'm not sure why, but tonight's produce selection was particularly bleak. We had a hellacious thunderstorm this afternoon, and I guess everybody ran to Safeway to stock up on fruits and veggies. I went in with the idea that I'd get a cucumber, a couple of onions and some orange juice.

I did not see the hothouse cucumbers that I prefer, but I also didn't see the shiny, waxy cucumbers with all the seeds. I wandered around there for fifteen minutes because I was sure I'd simply missed them among the piles of bell peppers and plastic cartons of strawberries.

This explains why I was in the produce department of a Safeway to spy a pathetic new product: Fresh Express Shreds.

That's right, folks, if you're too lazy to shred iceberg lettuce on your own-- for your tacos, or burgers, or whatever else uses shredded iceberg lettuce--you can now buy it pre-shredded in plastic bags. I guess it goes along with the pre-grated cheese in plastic bags, except that you actually have to work a little bit to grate hard cheeses. Iceberg lettuce pretty much shreds itself if you have a moderately sharp knife.

Guh. I just spent almost 15 minutes ranting about lettuce. This proves that my life has, at last, become too boring for words.

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