Am I the only one who thinks the plural of "ax" should be "axen"?

ESPN2 seems to be a kind of dumping ground for filler programs. I've seen everything from professional rodeo and fishing shows, to lumber sports, and today the National Jump Rope Championships. See, on real ESPN this is what they show when there are NFL games on other channels. I mean, after they've run out of figure skating and somebody threatens them if they run Sportscenter one more time.

ESPN used to be the home for Extreme Sports, but those have been around for so long that I'm not entirely sure they maintain their extreme-ness. Exactly when does Street Luge go mainstream?

The sad and empty part comes exactly 20 minutes into the Junior Cheerleading Championships, which followed the Collegiate Dance Team championship which I watched in rapt fascination, kind of the same way--the "who are these freaks?" way--that I watch lumber sports. Like I can't believe this is competitive. Didn't you think that guys just messed around with chain saws for fun? I'm not sure I like the idea of enormous white men competing with saws and axes. I mean, think about it.

I mention this because the Winter Olympic Games start tomorrow. I do not think there will be any chain saws, but there will be lots of hooliganish Americans shouting "USA... USA...USA." At least time they'll be doing it on their own soil.

I can't think of many activities that strike me as less seemly. As far as I know, the first instance of the USA chant happened at the Lake Placid games in 1980. Y'all remember what happened then, right? If you don't--say, because you were asleep for ten years or you weren't born... or you don't care about sports at all, in which case how can you call yourself an American[1]--that was the year the Rag-Tag Fugitive Fleet known as the U.S. Olympic Ice Hockey Team pulled off the seemingly impossible feat of beating the Soviet Army Team, back before... back before a lot of things.

I watched the game. It was pretty amazing, especially because I was just a sprout at the time. The aftermath was rather embarrassing, particularly the made-for-tv movie Miracle on Ice. The chant didn't have quite the jingoistic fervor 22 years ago, so it wasn't nearly as annoying.

Anyway, I guess I should prepare myself, since I do plan on watching. I like winter sports and I like snow-covered landscapes, even if they are in Utah.

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[1] I'm kidding. Y'all knew that, right? Many fine Americans do not care about sports, and we must love them for that, because it takes all kinds.

before - after